Editor's Note
Dear Reader:
On our most recent visit to Joëlle's studio, we found her seated at the dinette underneath a set of newly mounted wall decorations:
Ms. Jones was in a spring-cleaning frame of mind. Beneath this tableau, she was reading James D. Winter's essential pamphlet Your Home Freezer: How to Use It — specifically, page 30, which featured methods for eliminating rotting-meat odors:
The table was littered with cleaning supplies of a certain age. In the manner of so many mid-century household products, the bar of Lava came with its own lavishly produced explanatory leaflet pledging to remove the toughest stains:
Reaching awkwardly for a segue, we asked where she might be on the tidying of her next LADY KILLER LTD. deadline.
"I'll see you in court," she replied. Noting our stricken look, she continued: "That's a hint, not a threat. I can also promise you'll see someone step onto an apple box."
This proved remarkably unenlightening, but she was within reach of both a champagne glass and a cleaver.
Ask Josie Anything!
Dear Josie: Do you have any tips for getting rid of blood stains? My dear husband fell onto something sharp and Jackson Pollocked our carpet and my favorite dress!
— Seriously, Can't Abide Blood
We're here to help, SCAB! I've seen my fair share of "household accidents" over the years, and draw upon sources old and new to keep up a sparkling facade!
When I was a child, my mother kept handy in her trousseau a copy of Mabel Hyde Kittredge's 1917 classic The Home and Its Management. On page 99, under "Laundry Work," we find this classic blood-stain remedy utilizing naphtha soap and raw starch:
Today, of course, we're blessed to be able to draw from a library of modern cleaning products designed by the finest household scientists! Drawing from up-to-the-minute sources — specifically, the January 1965 issue of Better Homes and Gardens currently on my nightstand — here's a carpet-cleaning technique involving dry-cleaning fluid and a detergent solution, suitable for blood and vomit:
Have a question for Josie? Drop us a line!
And finally, a reminder for our Josie Level subscribers: Don't forget to reply to the April 10 email from editor Michael Perlman requesting images of those you'd enjoy seeing killed in the pages of LADY KILLER LTD.! If you didn't receive your email, you may drop Mr. Perlman a line.
Shall we pause once more for a word from our sponsor?
Lady Killer's Home Journal is stubbornly delivered to your email stoop, rain or shine, by the fine folks at Zestworld!
Paid subscribers get to read LADY KILLER LTD. on their electric appliance of choice in glorious black and white — well before its eventual print release — with monthly scenes leading to a complete story told over the course of the next year.
In addition, try as they might, all subscribers (free and paid) will fail to rid themselves of the stain of this very newsletter.
